Black Box Report

Being a former Bush administration official can make finding a gig in the private sector pretty tough, as businesses are hesitant to hire people who have the reverse Midas touch. On the paid lecture circuit, Alberto Gonzales has been getting heckled constantly and having his appearances cancelled:

Students at Pomona College were considering bringing former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to speak on campus, but have now rejected that idea. “It was a combination of not having the funding and the impression that students would not attend this event,” said Kelly Schwartz, the chairperson of the Speakers Committee of the Associated Students of Pomona College. According to Pomona’s Student Life newspaper, Gonzales “asked the school to pay him $35,000 in addition to first-class accommodations.”

Based upon his administrative competence and legal acumen, I can't imagine anyone paying Gonzo $35K to do anything. Then again, maybe he knows this, because he's been slashing his prices lately:

'Berto's fee would have been a deeply discounted $35,000. You might remember that he charged $40,000 for appearing at the University of Florida last month. (In a few months you might be able to get Al on the dollar menu at Burger King)

If he can't get work giving speeches, I'm sure there are some county fairs that would take him for their dunk tank. And speaking of which, the other former Bush AG John Ashcroft has been having his own rocky speaking engagements and got some well-deserved ridicule recently for telling one Colorado crowd he'd be willing to be waterboarded if necessary, because it wouldn't kill him:

Ah, but talk is cheap. If waterboarding really isn’t torture - really isn’t a big deal - then Ashcroft and the others who advocate it should put their money where their mouths are. On national TV, maybe; then we could all see how the issue has been overblown, as Ashcroft begs for mercy.

It’s telling that one of the few Republicans who has actually been waterboarded - John McCain - has been opposed to it. Because he did undergo it - and he knows it’s torture.

While that does sound like Must-See TV, Ashcroft (or any other supporters of the technique) actually allowing himself to be waterboarded misses the point entirely. He knows the people waterboarding him will eventaully stop. The luxury of this knowledge is not afforded to those people who we have been torturing waterboarding torturing.

Meanwhile Paul Wolfowitz, who got just about everything wrong on Iraq and was forced out of his appointment as head of the World Bank on corruption charges, is skipping the private sector altogether. He knows the Bush administration rewards incompetence, and he's now Condi Rice's advisor on WMD's. Just another example of falling upwards as Wolfie takes advantage of some of that sweet, sweet Republican-style welfare:

It doesn't matter how badly you mess up, how badly you get things wrong, how dangerous your views are, how corrupt you may be -- in the end, as long as you remain loyal, as long as you remain ideologically friendly, there'll be a place for you somewhere in the lofty echelons of Bushworld.

The previous chairman of the ISAB was, of all people, Fred Thompson, current Republican presidential snoozer -- hardly a Bush loyalist, even more hardly a great mind. One suspects that Wolfowitz will bring a tad more vigour to the job, much to the detriment of, well, the whole damn world.

And while not one of the President's men* (and no, I will not address rumors to the contrary), arch-conservative Ann Coulter wants to follow Wolfowitz's footstaps and climb aboard the sinking ship as well:

Ann Coulter is many things — author, pundit, speaker, provocateur — but “diplomatic” is not one of them.

Yet she told a crowd gathered at the National Press Club for the National Journalism Center’s 30th anniversary that she deserves to have a job in which finesse is essential: White House press secretary. Coulter said that she would take the job for the last six months of the Bush administration. Of course, that’d be perfect timing: The final six months of any president’s second term is lame-duck time, when there’s little pressure to perform.

Ann Coulter. White House press secretary.

Heh. Heh-heh. (snicker)

BWA-hahahahahahahahaha!!!!