Black Box Report

Mike Huckabee really wants to win South Carolina, and apparently he's decided there's no pander too shameless, no policy too insanely impossible to support to help him do that:

I’m fully expecting Mike Huckabee to hold a presser tomorrow claiming that he can deliver mild weather complete with all the sunshine you can take if you’ll only elect him president. That’s how ridiculous his campaign has gotten.

Truth be told, it’s still kind of hard not to like the Huckster; that “aw shucks” persona of his can get infectious. But just beneath that classic rock and apple pie veneer lies sheer madness...

After his absolute failure to grasp foreign policy in even its most rudimentary form, after promising to change the Constitution to be more in line with the “word of the Living God”, he’s now promising to make all illegal immigrants in this country go away.

*poof*

And yes, *poof* seems to be the extent of Huck's explanation on how he'd achieve getting rid of every illegal immigrant in the U.S. But Huck doesn't do nuance, or common sense for that matter. He just picks the most socially conservative pitch and swings for the fences:

QUESTIONER: Is it your goal to bring the Constitution into strict conformity with the Bible? Some people would consider that a kind of dangerous undertaking, particularly given the variety of biblical interpretations.

HUCKABEE: Well, I don’t think that’s a radical view to say we’re going to affirm marriage. I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal. Again, once we change the definition, the door is open to change it again. I think the radical position is to make a change in what’s been historic.

Maybe Huck doesn't read blogs; and even if he does, he probably doesn't read the ones that, from 2003 all the way through his defeat in 2006, hounded former PA Sen. Rick Santorum for his comment suggesting repealing sodomy laws would lead to man-on-dog sex. Or maybe he already knew about Santorum's gaffe, agreed with him, and thought Santorum just didn't take the analogy far enough when bashing teh gays:

That's pretty clear cut. Changing the definition of marriage so it can mean "two men" or "two women" is equivalent to changing it to mean "a man and an animal." No ambiguity here whatsoever.
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Huck's quote above doesn't even use the tried-and-true "slippery slope" argument to couch his view that homosexuality is akin to bestiality. It's a direct equivalence.

Not to mention one of the all-time dumbest arguments ever. But at least immigration and gay marriage are issues people are talking about. But no one was talking about the Confederate flag until Huck brought it up. Now others in his party wish he'd just shut the Huck up:

Republicans have once again fallen into the trap of talking about the use of the Civil War flag in a presidential campaign, and the national media seems more than eager to highlight it. For this, we can thank Mike Huckabee...
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People criticize South Carolina's use of the flag, but the criticism aims at getting the Palmetto State to dump the flag on its own. What connection that has to a Presidential campaign, other than pandering, eludes most people outside of South Carolina.

Why are the rest of us cringing? Most of the country wonders why some Southerners insist on celebrating the flag of rebellion, a symbol that came to be associated over the years with some ugly practices. Those same people will wonder why its preservation seems such an issue for Republican presidential candidates, when the best course of action would have been to ignore it. Making it a campaign issue gives it more credence and more import than it deserves, both inside and especially outside of South Carolina.

It's hard to muster any sympathy for Republicans aghast at the Huckabee phenomenon. For years, the GOP has pandered to the religious right winthout ever giving them anything of substance in return. And clucking one's tongue over the use of a racial dog-whistle like the Confederate flag is disingenuous at best (see Horton, Willie). The Republican party has fostered these attitudes - and the people who cleave to them - for decades. Watching it all come back to bite them is just poetic justice.

But there is one remark of Huckabee's that even I'm embarrassed for the GOP over. For the absolute best pander to voters in South Carolina, Huckabee touted his taste for their local cuisine.

Mmmmmmmmmm. Popcorn-fried squirrel. That'll play well with the rest of the country.